I feel like I’m taking crazy pills because everyone seems to acting like Darth Vader looks scary and villainous walking around in his black armor. This is straight up an Emperor’s New Clothes situation where nobody wants to admit the obvious truth: Vader looks dumb. His “armor” was supposedly inspired by samurai gear, but in reality, he looks more like a busted vacuum cleaner with a Fisher-Price control panel glued to the front.
The Helmet
The helmet looks like a giant traffic cone. It’s supposed to look intimidating, and you can kind of see the samurai influence but it really misses the mark. The giant triangle shape makes his head look three sizes too big. Spaceballs nailed it with Dark Helmet; they didn’t even have to exaggerate much to make it funny.
Why Does He Have a Cape?
What is the point of having a cape in space? Is it aerodynamic when you’re floating in zero gravity? The fanboy explanation that he’s “aura farming” by making the cape wave with the Force is laughable (In defense of the fanboys, I’m pretty sure 90% of them are joking) At best, it’s dramatic flair. At worst, it’s just one more thing for a light saber to slice through. Super practical.
Buttons and Lights
The chest panel is the dumbest design choice of them all. Why does the galaxy’s most feared Sith Lord have his life-support buttons hanging out right in front? Imagine if Iron Man just duct-taped his arc reactor on the outside of his suit. All it would take is one sneaky Jedi using the Force to flick the “off” switch, and he’s dead. At the very least, put a cover on it.
Lost Potential
The fact that Anakin was so powerful and agile in the prequel trilogies kind of ruins Darth Vader. He’s just an immobile, clunky robot and fights like an old man. He loses to Obi-Wan in Episode III, then he loses to him again in the Kenobi TV series, and he loses to Luke Skywalker. He is the Star Wars equivalent of Vegeta: he’s never really beaten anyone significant. Why should we be afraid of him if he’s always losing? (And no, Clone Wars Anakin doesn’t count, because most casual fans never watched it.)
The Takeaway
Basically, Darth Vader is a stupid-looking villain who had so much wasted potential. Darth Vader in full Anakin form would’ve been amazing. Instead we got an oversized vacuum cleaner with asthma. He’s been put on such a ridiculous pedestal that it’s borderline annoying… kind of like when people pretend Batman can hang with actual superheroes who have real powers.
Darth Maul is a much cooler villain. Change my mind.