You’ve just finished watching Rocky IV and are suddenly motivated to get jacked like Ivan Drago (minus the steroids). Unfortunately, a gym membership can cost anywhere from $50–$70 a month. For that much money (actually, about $33), you could get three months of unlimited data through Mint Mobile.
So, after browsing Reddit for four hours and trying to figure out what the nerds on there do to work out, you decide to buy your own set of weights and maximize your gains at home. But something feels… off. Why does buying dumbbells online feel so paradoxical?
The Absurdity of Shipping Weights
At its core, lifting weights is just moving heavy chunks of metal around until you get stronger. So why would you pay someone else to move heavy chunks of metal across the country for you? Ordering dumbbells online is like outsourcing the very thing you’re supposed to be practicing: moving heavy things.
What if the Delivery Person is Weak?
Now picture the poor delivery guy tasked with dropping off your 200-pound box of iron. He didn’t sign up for powerlifting. He just wanted to make a living, maybe grab a new Magic: The Gathering booster box on payday. Instead, he’s one awkward step away from a hernia because you couldn’t be bothered to pick up your own weights. Shame on you.
If you want to disregard everything I said in this article and buy weights online, just buy these cool adjustable 52.2lb ones. You don’t have to add/remote plates manually; just set it to the weight you want and it does all the mounting for you. If you’re going to be lazy, why not be super lazy? There’s only two product reviews for them and one of them says they suck, but I’ve used a set when I was randomly in Iwakuni for two weeks and the tiny little hotel gym had them, and they seemed alright.
Buying in Person Just Makes Sense
If you want to start your fitness journey, wouldn’t it make more sense to literally lift your first set of weights? Drive to the store, load them in your trunk, and carry them inside; that’s already your first workout. Plus, it gets you out of the comfort zone of endless scrolling and actually forces you to take action, which is half the battle in building good habits anyway.
Long story short: buying dumbbells online just feels wrong. It’s lazy, it’s pricey, and it makes someone else do the heavy lifting for you (literally and figuratively). If you really want to get strong, start by picking up your own weights.
Disclaimer: If you buy a product I link to, I make a commission. Thank you in advance for funding my degenerate gambling/stock market trading habits.